amstrak01's Xanga

Anyonghaseyo!

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 21:22:24 GMT

I have returned from Korea and it was an absolute blast! I'm seriously jet-lagged and definitely not on the right sleeping sched yet. It's 3pm and I just woke up....but they may have to do with staying up til 4am and taking tylenol pm to sleep. Might not have been so smart. I'll have to be smarter tonight cuz I'm playing in church tomorrow. Oh...better practice that music.

So yeah, I'm hoping I'll post some stuff about the trip. I'll try to. But I'm still working on uploading pics to facebook and I'm only on Day 3 of 10. It could be awhile.

So yeah, just saying hi to anyone. I actually should be getting ready for a bday party. I really should've gotten up earlier.

Tally the Northern Excursion

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:48:01 GMT

I headed north this past weekend for a very good friend's wedding, and since I was driving so far north I decided to make a decent trip out of it, even if I was only getting a motel for one night. And instead of just blobbing out what happened I'll make it a little more interesting by tallying the events.

4 - hrs of sleep before leaving at 6am Saturday
2 - Starbucks coffees during entire trip
800 - approximate miles driven
lost track - wrong turns made in Roseville
also lost track - u-turns made in Roseville
0 - useful maps AAA provided me (it's dumb that they don't carry every city's map now and that you have to find a AAA in the desired area to get the city map)
1 - shirt bought at AE
numerous - strange/curious looks at Roseville Galleria due to my jeans and western boots (guess I looked a little out of place in a higher end mall)
1 - delicious lunch at Il Fornaio-Roseville (this is interesting as I went to an Il Fornaio in Beverly Hills 7 years ago for my 18th bday, yet I hardly remember ANY of it out of what must be self preservation due to it being with my ex who 2 weeks later dumped me over the phone...that's all I can figure)
1 - glass of Bray '05? Sangiovese (great)
1 - limo ride to the wedding (my first time in a limo! and it made up for getting so lost and thinking I wasn't going to make it to the wedding)
2 - people I knew at the wedding: the groom and his mother (seriously...)
3 - times I nearly cried at the wedding/reception
almost 1 - bouquet caught, but an interception was made, and that's ok cuz I'm not sure what I would've thought had I caught it
2 - guys danced with: the groom and the best man
1 - line dance performed with a lot of girls (I'm sure glad the bride loves country...maybe she'll set my friend straight and push him beyond Garth, though Garth is great )
1 - occurrence of being pulled over by the Roseville Police I wasn't breaking any laws, just trying to find the streets I missed earlier so I could get back to my hotel, but I turned left onto a street and noticed a cop behind me. I merged into a left turn lane, came to a stop sign, paused and confirmed that maybe I should go left and the cop whipped right up behind me. I was still unsure and right as I started to turn left he flipped on his lights and I realized I didn't use my signal. There's enough probable cause to pull me over. He drilled me with questions about my car, why I was in Roseville, where I was staying, etc. I told him up front I was lost and I really wasn't nervous anyway. The irony: he pulled me over right in front of the street I needed and had missed earlier that day. He returned my license, said have a good night and left. Did I mention this was the first time I've EVER been pulled over? Adam called it my dress rehearsal. I'd rather not have a real performance.
7 - hrs of fitfull sleep in a squeaky king bed
1 - absolutely tasty breakfast at the best breakfast place ever: Sweetie Pie's in Placerville
1 - tasty cinnamon roll with nuts that accompanied me home and awaits my morning hunger
2 - pics of barns in Placer County
~20 - pics of main streets and old historic buildings
lost track - wineries/vineyards passed out in Amador County
10 - wines tasted at Sobon Estate, and they were all very good
4 - wines purchased...because I couldn't narrow it down for anything
2 - hrs spent in Sutter Creek looking at antique shops and whatnot
3 - CDs listened to about 1849 and particularly the gold country that is Sutter Creek and its surroundings
2 - other towns driven through (Jackson and Ione) but hardly stopped since nothing caught the eye
4 - trucker honks on I-5. Were they bored? If I passed the same guy twice and he honked twice, is it still counted as two? That same trucker radio'd up to the next truck to take a look as I passed. I swear...he was lookin' right at me as I passed and had his radio up. It was weird
~12 - hrs spent on the road
n - hrs of sleep needed to make up for such a trip
n - hrs of practicing music needed to make up for such a trip
n - miles of cycling needed to work off such a trip
n+n+n - things I don't really want to do. Take that back...n+n, I guess, cuz I'd love to take a nap right now

Less than one month

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:36:06 GMT

I leave for Korea on Aug 9. Do you know how soon that is? Way too soon! I have so much practicing to do and not enough time!

If you didn't know, the San Luis Obispo Wind Orchestra is travelling to Jeju Island in South Korea to perform in the Jeju International Wind Ensemble Festival. Wow! I believe at this point we're one of two American groups, but the only full wind orchestra (I don't know how we swung that, but I do believe we have som good connections). We will also be performing at a church in Seoul while staying at the Grand Hilton Seoul (I love Grand Hiltons...and this will be no exception I'm sure). But only after we...*drumroll*...travel to Kumgang Mtn, North Korea, where we will be the "professional centerpiece" for a small music festival. Now I don't know about the professional part. We're good, but pro? If they think so, then cool. But North Korea!! Who has been to North Korea? Not many. I'm still not sure about all the politics involved (especially after the recent events involving the shooting of a S. Korean tourist who found herself in a military restricted area...it all sounds a little sketchy to me. Someone's not sharing the whole story), but I'm sure we'll be watched carefully. The NY Phil performed in N. Korea earlier this year, so we'll be the second group. This is quite amazing. And just last night I was potentially wrangled into the wind quintet which will be performing in Korea. That has me a mite nervous because it's even more music to learn.

So I have a lot of preparation to do. Part of that involves over $300 of immunizations on Wednesday (not a fan at all - I'm hoping I'll be able to lift my arms to play at rehearsal that night). The other involves practicing a lot of music for the orchestra, plus potentially practicing quintet music. But I'm also in summer band playing 1st Flute (principal?) so I need to be strong on those parts too. Man... Oh, and I have to finish designing this concert postcard, I'll probably have to design tickets and print them, and design the concert program, all before I leave.

So if you're in SLO or nearby, come to SLO Methodist Church, Friday Aug 8 at 8pm to hear selections of our tour repertoire and generally support us. We'd love it. It's always more fun to play to an audience. :)

And ya know how I said I had so many topics I wanted to write about? They're still there. Waiting. Right now everything's chaotic though. I'm finding myself stretched thin wondering what God's doing in my life and trying to teach me with all these trials, none of which I've really spoken about here. Eventually, perhaps. All I can do is pray. Lord, I'd love a stressful dream-free night of sleep. Bummer, it's already midnight again. I'm failing at this getting more sleep thing.

Bang...dead

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:45:20 GMT

Ever have an artistic epiphany? Something hits you and you get this great idea for a piece of art (or perhaps music, etc.). Everything about it seems so amazing and so you share the idea with a friend because you want them to be involved (this is a multi-person project). You tell them about it, how it expresses your idea, how it'd be executed, etc. Then they bring up a point regarding your idea...a completely valid point that had not occurred to you until that very moment, and it's a point that cannot be denied nor ignored lest the art become only a half representation, and you don't do things "half-assed" so to speak. Well, congrats, your epiphany has been shot down. Inspiration is lost completely. Idea is null and void.

Crap.

And when you verbally respond with "well...crap...so much for that" your friend feels bad because they just killed your artistic motivation. Oh well, too late. These epiphanies are few and far between.

My spirits were rather smooshed tonight.

Performance and Reward

Mon, 19 May 2008 02:35:37 GMT

I don't know how many of you perform as part of your career or an interest. I perform in the realm of music, specifically on flute in a community wind orchestra (SLOWO). I've been playing the flute since 6th grade, so that's somewhere in the neighborhood of 14yrs. Over those years, I've played in concert bands, marching bands, a jazz band, numerous solo/ensemble competitions, in church worship, at friends' weddings, and even my G-pa's funeral. I love music and wish more of the community/world could experience it, so much so that I joined a fraternity during college whose mission was/is to promote college and university bands. Kappa Kappa Psi is an awesome brotherhood of people who genuinely care about music and its performance and the ability to reach people with it. I'm now an alumna brother (yeah, sounds odd huh?) and therefore not so involved in that respect. I currently play in the community wind orchestra as well as my church orchestra. Both are enjoyable and I love playing with them. SLOWO is a constant challenge, musically, and church is a musical challenge occasionally, but more of a test in patience and humility as I wait for others to figure out that they're playing in the wrong key, the wrong rhythm, or just not really reading the music at all. The Bible does say "make a joyful noise," not "make a completely in-tune, on beat, pure sound every single time." God must have been accounting for everyone's ability, myself included. So I do still immerse myself in music.

Being in SLOWO has been a great experience and I've learned so so much in the short time I've been involved. I'm one of, if not the youngest non-student member of the group. Most everyone's in their 40s and well above, so I'm new blood, age-wise and repertoire-wise. I played in concert bands in HS, but didn't during college, so I haven't played all those standard wind band pieces and I generally feel a little green when new music is passed out and everyone says "oh yeah...we've played this before." I'm learning and I'm playing more of the music, great music. And I practice, though not as much as I should. I should have those runs down for the concert, but many times I'm just not able to get it all under my fingers. I aspire to be principal flute in years to come when my ability proves me, and when the spot opens up. For now, I'm content as 1st flute as it is a serious challenge and is pushing me farther in my musical ability.

I work hard up to the performance, and I'm sure others do as well. I'm also sure there are others who don't, but that's life. This past season I accomplished a solo which was by no means easy for me. It was only 12 notes but included slurs from D to F# above the staff, and anyone who plays flute knows F# is an ungodly note and one that doesn't come easily, and sometimes doesn't come at all. For me, until just before that concert, F# did not come. It cracked and shrieked and embarassed me. What kind of musician am I if I cannot get a silly note out? With some technique instruction I was able to perform the solo well, though I'm sure it could've been better (it always can be). And that season finale concert was awesome: a great set of music and everyone sounded wonderful, maybe even the best we've sounded yet. That was a good feeling.

However, here's where I come to my dilemma of sorts. I love performing music and I always have. Playing music is a way to express feeling, though the music may not be your own. Yet by playing it you put yourself in the music. There have been many times in the past couple of years during concerts or Sunday worship where I've actually teared up due to the immensity of the music inside me. It's beautiful, and the swells of brass and woodwinds causes everything in me to nearly burst. It's hard to explain and wonderful to experience. I can have the same experience as an audience member at a great concert as well, but there's more to it when you've practiced for so much time and you're now performing it. I don't know what the rest of the audience thinks during a concert. I don't know how engaged they are, and at the end I don't always see the same joy, or musical afterglow, that I've experienced. What does the audience feel after a concert, and perhaps more specifically, a concert given by a community group like SLOWO?

I mentioned in my last post that I saw a ballet which was absolutely fantastic. I enjoyed it so much and when it was all done I was torn between wanting to sit in my seat and just bask in the greatness of it or hurry to the lobby in search of J. to give him a hug and tell him how amazing it was. After ballets and plays everyone rushes to the lobby, I'm guessing because they want to see the performers in costume and congratulate them and exclaim how wonderful the show was. There's a bit of starstruck madness in all of us, even if the stars are only local or even family. Perhaps it's a desire to somehow share in the triumph of a job well done. Take all that excitement and contrast that with what happens after a musical performance. Everyone claps, and maybe you get a standing ovation as well, which is always welcome, but then what? We don't rush to the lobby in hopes of meeting the performers. As one of the performers I don't rush to the lobby, perhaps because more often than not I'm not expecting to see anyone I know, so why bother? If family or friends are in attendance then of course I'll go look for them and thank them for coming and find out what they thought of the concert. But it's different. It's not the same excitement. Really, you should've been in the lobby after that ballet. It was electric! Alive with so many bustling bodies, many carrying bouquets of flowers for their favored performer. If a lobby is alive after a musical performance it seems simply because everyone's shuffling out of the concert hall toward their cars, talking along the way, maybe about the music, maybe about where they should all eat dinner or get drinks. It's hard to know. I'm a musician and I usually see concerts with fellow musicians so naturally we discuss the music. I can't speak for the general public. But in my mind there's a marked difference.

Which leads me to wonder...is one performance type more valuable and enjoyable than another? Is a dance performance or a play more socially engaging than a wind or symphony orchestra concert? Does the caliber matter or would you find the same dichotomy when comparing the LA Phil at Disney Concert Hall and a Broadway musical performance? Is a concert engaging at all? Can a person relate to music as easily as to a character or a dance? Are people more inclined to visual beauty than aural? I know I enjoy seeing a symphony perform more than a wind orchestra because I love watching the bows rise and fall like wind over a field of grass. There's nothing so dynamic about wind instruments unless you're a trombonist, or you play in the percussion section. You can't see the flautist's fingers speedily racing up the keys if you're in the lower orchestra seating. And I love watching ballet because I'm an artist and lines in bodies grab me as much as hearing a clear French Horn tone or seeing an elegant font. So is music not as appealing to society as a physical performance? Is physical effort more rewarding?

I'm interested in your thoughts. When I compare the two I find my end a little lacking in external reward I guess. I feel personal reward at accomplishment, a sense of pride for performing well (or well enough...I never think I do a great job) and for sharing such an experience with the audience. But would I experience more if I performed physically? Think about it. Share it.

Alright already!

Mon, 19 May 2008 01:22:26 GMT

It's pathetic, really, how I say I have no time. I have time, but I fill it with everything under the sun, mostly dancing. I have various things I feel like writing about, so this may be a short post just as an update with other posts regarding specific thoughts following.

A couple weeks ago (end of April?) I went back home for a friend's wedding. It was a rather quick trip, home Friday night, run around and do stuff Saturday, go to the wedding Saturday evening, church SUnday morning, and jet back to SLO for a ballet. While at home, I bought the mother of all flute stands (2 flute/clarinet combo pegs, 1 picc peg (all velvet lined) and 1 alto flute peg) and tried out alto flutes. After trying a lovely Pearl alto flute and thinking about $, computers, flutes and the long run, I believe I'll be returning from my brother's graduation with an alto flute, though I'm not sure which model. It depends on which one is still there. The one I tried had 2 headjoints but neither of them were solid silver. I was informed this week that they're selling a used Pearl with a solid silver straight. If it's still there when I go home then I was meant to have that one instead.

The ballet I zoomed back for was Rodeo, performed by Ballet Theatre of SLO. That wasn't the only ballet they performed. They did Levez le Rideau (one I wished I could've seen back in October but circumstances prevented it), Wali Sangara (absolutely fantastic!), and Damien of Molokai (world premier...but definitely my least favorite). BTOSLO is more about acting out a story in dance, which is fun, but they stepped away from that for Wali Sangara and it was awesome. Purely dance to rhythmic tribal percussion and flute. It was amazing and probably what I had been wanting to really see in ballet. And yet, Levez le Rideau was great too: all about the preparation, rehearsals, costumes, and such leading up to a choreographed performance. The final props were outstanding, and so if you get the chance to see it at the SLO PAC you definitely should. I can't imagine it being performed in anything smaller. Rodeo was similar, in a way, to Oklahoma! which is one of my favorite Rogers & Hammerstein musicals. The music was Rodeo by Aaron Copland and ended with Hoedown (think the "Beef: It's What's for Dinner" theme...as unfortunate as it is to connect those two). When the ballet first began I thought the music sounded vaguely familiar, and then I thought "shoot, I want to play this..." and then I nearly smacked my head at the end for having not known immediately what it was. Overall, absolutely great show. However, there are more thoughts on all performance coming later.

May 8, I went with a group of salsa people down to SB for a Michael Buble concert and salsa dancing downtown afterward. It was a fun evening, though I'm actually rather disappointed in Michael Buble himself. The guy was on something. There was no doubt about that. I thought too much too drink because he couldn't keep the microphone next to his mouth. J. said it probably wasn't alcohol and was most likely drugs of sorts because he was twitchy, which was true. Plus he sang perfectly anyway. I imagine after too many drinks you'd be slurring. He babbled on about stuff, got off the stage to take a pic with a little girl and of course all the girls in the front row went nuts. During this time of socialness he easily could've sung 3 songs in particular that I wanted to hear. He never sang them. He sobered up as the concert continued, but it was generally tainted. We went dancing at Ruby's in downtown afterward. It was intimidating given I'd never danced at a bar or the like anywhere else, but was fun, though I got nailed in the left foot by a pointy heel and cut the top of my right foot with my own jagged heel. An overall good time, and yet it left something to be desired in various realms, not all of which I care to dicuss.

That weekend was also the SLO Lindy Exchange. I was registered for it so I danced as much as I could. I'm not the greatest lindy dancer and salsa has just about murdered my swing, but with a little warming up I did ok. Still, every once in awhile, my hands/arms/feet would do something characteristically salsa and my dance partner would be either confused or entertained. It happened a lot in Blues. A hair comb here, body roll there, and my dance partners would say "how'd you do that?" or "whoa, that was kinda neat". And all I could say was "I'm a salsa dancer...it just kinda happens." The weekend was a blast. I had danced late Thursday night in SB. Friday was 1hr of Afro-Cuban movement and 1hr of ladies styling with Charlene Rose, a fantastic instructor from LA. Seriously, if you get the chance to take a class with her, DO IT. Then tack on another 2 hrs of salsa. At midnight I headed over to Blues and danced til 4am. Yes, that's how Blues works. Thank goodness it's not physically demanding (well, energy speaking). Saturday, I woke up for a 2hr workshop on Afro-Cuban with Charlene, which was a great workout and lots of fun. Fighting our tiredness, J. and I went out to MB on his motorcycle (yes, my first ride ever on a motorcycle) to check out an art gallery I am entirely in love with. There are gorgeous paintings of dancers and I knew he'd love them and he most certainly did. I believe we stood in front of this painting for a good 20-30min. I believe this artist has become one of my favorites. We had dinner and headed back in the very cold wind. I didn't cut off his air supply on the way to MB (I wasn't really nervous at all), but I wanted to hide so deep behind him with my gloved hands in his jacket pockets on the way back for all the coldness. It was a very fun experience. And then of course that night was the Lindy dance followed by 12-4 Blues again and yes, I stayed almost to the end, minus maybe 30min. I slept quite a bit and made it to swing at Mother's at 4. J. invited me over for dinner and baking cookies and once relaxed there I couldn't bring myself to go dancing again that night. I was done. I didn't even go to swing the following night. And so when all was said and done, I believe I danced about 21hrs between Thursday late night and Sunday afternoon. Needless to say, I've developed a serious core and my calf muscles are pretty amazing.

The week was a bit trying what with l. being in the hospital and myself dealing with a lack of rest and thus an emotional wire as thin as monofilament but not as strong. I am thankful for friends and their encouraging words. I'm not sure how I would've gotten through a few of those days.

Last night was the salsa cruise in MB. It was a very good time and I'm looking forward to next year already. Tried to find a new dress but was unsuccessful and went with my black sparkly dress. Great for salsa even though I didn't want to be a fashion repeater. It is so neat to be dancing on the top deck, going by Morro Rock and watching the sun set over the ocean. Really, does it get much better?

I think that's all I'm up for updating. No, I'm not keeping up with my 100mi/month biking, but I am still biking. It's how I expend every last ounce of energy within me. Dancing releases a lot of energy, but not all of it. Biking forces you to put everything in you into the bike and the climb and into the road. It's also a mood alterer and a bit of an addiction, like dancing I suppose. I find myself doing both in hopes to change my mood, to feel better, and usually if I use dancing in such a way I come away even more disappointed. In biking, on the other hand, I end up pushing myself so hard that I can't think about anything else but getting up the next hill, watching my cadence, breathing, the burn in my quads and that I should just keep going.

Alright, enough. I present another thought and I write a whole paragraph...short post, my eye...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 02:00:11 GMT

Sorry I'm so bad at updating. I used to be pretty good about posting once a week. Not so much anymore. I do have stuff to post, especially since I went back to the homeland this weekend. I guess I'll post eventually.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:06:38 GMT

ugh, sorry. i'm here. i do have plenty to tell but i'm not feeling good and in my mind it's "late" so i'm going to bed in an attempt to not get really sick. either it's allergies or my body has finally succumb to the stress i put on it with design work, rehearsals and concerts. *hoists the white flag*

side note: got Once in the mail. if you haven't seen it, rent it. it's wonderful.

On the Source of Worship

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 02:37:10 GMT

This is pretty much an email with my thoughts to a friend about where worship comes from and the state of that place. Leave your thoughts if you so desire. It's kinda of a cop-out to post an email, but why retype everything I've already thought and typed?

I was thinking about worship in regards to the heart/attitude of a person. I joked about how I do like live worship cds, but said something about how everyone's all happy and yay. Everyone's cheering like it's a sporting event, or a concert and the hot lead vocalist/guitarist just walked out on stage. Then there are other albums where that may occur but it's mostly singing and you can hear everyone sing, and I enjoy that much more. For whatever reason I just don't feel the need to cheer in a "yay Jesus!" fashion. I'd rather sing. (could that be the musician in me?)

But apparently the idea that everyone is so happy/cheerful and singing on a worship CD occasionally bugs me, otherwise I wouldn't have made such a remark. (I have a feeling my thoughts aren't going to be the most organized, but I'll try). I think I've said before that I'm not a huge fan of all the worship songs that sound like the singers haven't lived a real day in their lives, one with pain, doubt, anger, etc. Makes me sound kind of bitter and dark. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times that I love those songs of adoration and praise cuz that's exactly how I'm feeling. I just suppose I want to know that not everyone is always so sure of their faith or able to praise God in every circumstance. No one likes to be alone in the way they feel.

I wondered if you could worship God and still be doubtful or discontent. When does it become lip-service as opposed to worship? What's the attitude or source of worship anyway? Are there technicalities in the condition of the heart or your attitude? I'm thinking it does matter cuz God's not going to hear your "worship" if your heart is not there. Why should He?

I'm listening to a sermon( http://www.centralpc.org/sermons/2006/s060115.htm ) about the heart of worship from a church back east and there's a good quote:

"No amount of action in a worship service, no amount of the externals, no amount of religious stuff that we can pack into our lives, no matter how well planned, how beautiful, how much we like it, how good it makes us feel, no amount of that can ever make up for a heart problem in our relationship with God. If there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, then nothing we can do externally will actually make up for that."

The sermon is about what keeps us from worship. They're mostly talking about distractions, kids fidgeting, guilt over failings, so in a sense it's not exaclty addressing my thoughts/quesitons, but maybe there's something deeper to my thought. Perhaps a more fundamental issue, more than just being apathetic or unsure or just discontent with where God has me in life.

The pastor goes on to ask a couple questions:

"The first is, what is the elephant in the middle of the room with God? What is it that's the biggest, most obvious barrier in your relationship to God? Is it lust, greed, pride, substance abuse, anger, fear, laziness, unwillingness to forgive, judgmentalness, overworked and the list goes on? What is it that is the big issue? That's the first question.

The second question, why is this such a big deal for you? We are complicated people and sometimes what we are struggling with has roots that go down deep and sometimes we need to struggle and think hard and reflect with other people to get down to why these gigantic things in our lives are so big. But be brutally honest with yourself because God already sees."

So I suppose my answer is no, you can't really worship God with a discontent heart. You can cry out to Him and sing a song from your heart that expresses all your struggles but I guess it's not so much worship(?) But going to God in your struggles and hurt still glorifies Him. Shoot...it's like I'm contradicting myself. argh...

I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night (cuz they FINALLY had a new episode on) and this song in the background grabbed me like no other. Normally I don't really pay a lot of attention to the music in the background of sitcoms and all, but this was different. I love it. It's "Broken" by Lifehouse. Of course, they played it on the show with the spin of love drama as opposed to a cry to God, but strangely enough as I heard the song on the show I don't know that I was thinking that the song related to the characters' love drama so much as it was written from the heart to God, something to say "I'm realizing I'm very much messed up but I'm trying to hold on to You cuz I know I'll be ok if I do." And while the song recorded for the album is good I really like this "stripped" version infinitely better (I just wish I could find it somewhere to download): (sorry! the link's no longer up and i can't find it anywhere!)

and the lyrics: http://artists.letssingit.com/lifehouse-lyrics-broken-s1dg9rn

Since that email, I'm not sure if I've come up with any particular answer to my question. Perhaps crying out to God IS a form of worship. It's part of your experience with Him. But if you're just plain discontent or even a bit resentful at your current situation I just can't imagine it being real worship because you're not letting go of that resentment to let God do what He's trying to do in your life.

Why the long face?

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 03:48:20 GMT

Been too busy again. Lots going on with SLOWO and general life. I've wanted to post but haven't had the time. I have plenty to say and I know it'd create multiple posts. And as I always say, maybe I'll post on them later. And you know, unfortunately, that I have a bad tendency of not doing so. Sorry to what readers I may still have.

Last SLOWO concerts were...not my favorite. I wasn't so impressed and I'm glad they're over. I am glad we're on to the next series which is suites. I love a good suite, apparently, and I love a good suite for a military band. I have a few solos in this next concert and quite a bit of work to do on all the music. I also have quite a bit of designing to do, but I was recently hindered in that realm.

My 6-yr-old CRT is biting the dust and is glowing a miserable pink, fatiguing my red cones and thus making everything else I look at green tinged. Rather gross. This is why doctors/surgeons tend to wear green scrubs. Lessens the strength of afterimage from looking at blood. So just when I thought I might be able to save a little money this month as well as my tax refund, so much for that. I'm buying a new LCD. And then I started looking at MacBook Pro specs and really, computer stuff just stresses me out because there are so many details to keep track of and I want the most for my money, which isn't a whole lot when it comes to Macs.

I had very good conversation last night over martinis. The conversation is one of those that could fill its own post, much like many conversations recently. At any rate, it was freeing to open up and for the friend to open up a bit as well. Yet today I'm not entirely sure I'm ok with having spoken so much. My analytical nature is kicking into gear. Hm. Well, that's a whole post anyway.

Said friend recommended The Book of the Dun Cow by Walter Wangerin Jr. Great book and I recommend it as well. It's a pretty fast read and he's now letting me borrow The Book of Sorrows, its sequel. It's also good though a bit on the down side (hence the title). I'm glad I have something to read though.

I generally have a lot of thinking to do, mostly in the realm of what I believe to be true about Biblical doctrine and the church. I've encountered many views of what the Bible says recently that have given my views a run for their money and I need to understand why I believe certain things, and not just because that's how I was raised and that's what was taught in my conservative churches. I need to know exactly what the Bible says.

I got my passport in the mail today, a month early. South Korea is getting closer. Only 5 months away.

I must get ready for country night and Farmer's. I know I keep saying it, but I want to post worthwhile posts and I do have plenty to write on, it's just a matter of time, which I don't always have.

*edit* I realized I didn't include something: the Circle of Life on the ranch. Last Sunday (not Easter) I got home from tea and such with a friend and decided to say hi to the chickens. To my dismay when I walked over to the coop and called to them only 4 appeared compared to the usual 5. Where's the Lady of the Roost? I didn't see her until I strained to look in the corner of the coop and there she was, on her side, feathers ruffled in the breeze. Dead. I immediately thought of The Book of the Dun Cow and Beryl's death, but there were no basilisks in this coop. The Lady had simply died of old age. Apparently she was somewhere around 7 years old. Yet when I walked back over to the landlord's house to inform her of the misfortune she proudly shared the news that Delila, the just over a year old puppy, had 11 puppies herself, and all of them Trigger's. Apparently she wasn't just getting to be a fatty. And I'm rather surprised they're Trigger's. One would've thought that with all her escapades off the ranch...well, you know. So one death and 11 new lives. And about 3 days later Rufus, the first bull calf of the past year, was loaded up and sold somewhere. Daisy is the only one who remains here as I found out that Dahlia and her calf were sold quite awhile ago. *sigh* Having been reading these books I feel closer to barnyard animals, though I think they've always had a special place in my heart, and with such comes a bit of sadness to see them leave in whatever form. I wish I could have my own chicken. She'd be white with a patch of crimson feathers at her throat, and her name would be Pertelote.